Dreams

I had a dream last night about hike off into the widerness. It was great. I started out with a climb and dicided that I would go a little farther each day until I just didn't come back. I climbed the first hill I saw. Oh, it was snowy and rocky where I was but I didn't care. The hill was about ten to fifteen feet tall and when I got to the top I just looked for the next thing to climb that was taller and was about to keep going when I woke up. I would have tried to go back there but I had to go to the bathroom. Now I'm left with this horrable empty feeling of knowing what I want, know I could take it if I chose to, but knowing it would tear moms heart apart with worry till either I came back or someone found my body. The not knowing would kill her. But this urg to just do it is killing me. If I wait to long I may lose the opportunity for ever. This was one of my childhood fantasies and it's actually in reach. I've wanted to do this long before I ever hated society (for clarification not the people in it but the orginization of it.) I know it wouldn't be easy. I don't have this grass is greener wiew of it. It would be one of the hardest things I ever did but I believe I would love it. Not counting God, three intrests have never left me: wolves, dolphins, and this. Everyone probably sees me as a gamer but the is a true passtime. It just passes time endurably and often enjoyably but it is no replacement for the fulfilment of a dream and certainly not for one that runs this deep. I wanted to cry (not figure of speech) when I woke up and remembered that I'm stuck here. Even if I could find one of those survival group things where a bunch of people go out there for a while together it would probably cost money and that's something I am despraitly short on. Every time I think I've found a job that I can use to pay off my debt I get replaced by somebody with "more experience". It is so draining. At least this time I may not have lost the job entirely but I got the whole I'll call you if I need some labour work done thing. I know I'm in the wrong area but I don't know where I can fit in in this society. Everything I enjoy either requires four years of university (which I cannot afford, not am I good at school. I'm smart, I just can't seem to get assignments in on time.) or I never get the chance to get good at because I get replaced by someone who is already good at it, or worse by someone who know nothing about the job but knows the boss, or whose father knows the boss or some such thing. I just see no future for me except to help mom with the fostering and get the odd job to suppliment her income when I can. I'm so lost. I'm so torn. I'm going to pass the time with some fantasies. I'm thinking Rachet and Clank: Going Commando. No replacement for an unfulfilled dream but it will have to do.

Venting a bit.

Life has been so crazy here lately. On the plus side I got a job but at home things are getting very stressful. Mom may have posted about this already but we got an old foster kid back a while ago. He's been a total ass but seems to think we're the ones who are behaving badly. He lies constantly, smokes these little cigarette butts that he digs out of ash trays, and, oh yeah, he's a theif too. A while ago he came home with a guitar that he said his friend gave him, and that was true but he left out the part about him helping his friend break into a house to get it first so the police had a word with him too and charges are pending. At the meeting about that and some other stuff, Mom made the decision to give him a choice between completely starting over here which includes a 28 day detox in a detox center (Did I forget to mention that he's into a bunch of different drugs?) and dropping his old friends or the street. Our home is for kids to turn their lives around. We're not a homeless shelter for druggies to get a good night's sleep before going out and getting high again. He agreed and on friday he goes into detox. I pray that he really does turn his life around but a part of me thinks this is just another lie. He's gone to some pretty extreme lengths before to keep up a lie but we've seen the side of him that really does want to quit too. He could use a lot of prayer support.

I'm it

I. Four jobs I've had.
1. Receiving at Wal-Mart
2. Siding
3. Tree removal assistant and gardenner
4. Landscaper

II. Four movies I love.
1. Passion of the Christ
(Doubt I'll watch it again any time soon, but I'm sure glad I did)
2. Lord of the Rings
3. The Matrix
4. Man on Fire

III. Four places I've lived.
1. Martensville, SK.
(And a big HA HA to all my family still living out there)
2. Calgary, AB.
(The only place where you can go to the beach five days after getting two feet of snow)
3. Killam, AB.
(Where hell really did freeze over)
4. Vancouver Island, BC
(Shortest winters I've ever seen in Canada. We actually got to have one snowball fight this year!)

IV. Four TV shows I watch.
1. CSI (they're all good)
2. Friends
3. Reba
4. Wolf's Rain (anime)

V. Four holidays I've been on.
1. Radium Hot Springs.
2. Auty Mitz's when she lived in Edmonton.
(I hope visiting family counts)
3. Lac La Biche
4. I live on Vancouver Island now. Every day off work is a holiday.

VI. Dishes I love.
1. plates
2. bowls
Just kidding
1. Veitnamese Curry Chicken
2. Rare steak
3. Summa Borscht
(These are not in order. Three is my actual favorite.)
4. Sushi

VII. Sites I visit
1. Blogger (duh)
2. tailsteak.com
3. freefall.purrsia.com
4. ozyandmillie.org
(I couldn't decide which not to put so here's a fifth)
5. catharsiscomic.com

VIII. Four places I'd rather be.
1. With my savior in heaven
2. Out in the woods
3. Hawaii
4. E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo)

IX. Four people I tag.
I don't know anyone who hasn't been tagged

I'm back

Well we've finally got internet back after the move. We're now living in Qualicum Beach. Wow, I accually live in a place with beach in the name. That is so cool. We finally have a good landlord. We've had some ok ones but I was starting to think that there were no good ones. Hopefully they'll get the carpet out of here though. That is a bit expensive but the last people who lived here let a cat mark it up. Now I don't mean visual marks but the scent marks. That never comes out. It gets right into the wood. Uncle Ken can't even visit because of it. If we ever got a foster kid with a cat alergy we would have a serious problem on our hands. Well that's about all for now.

Preaching to Grandpa

I was talking with grandpa the other day about the bible, jesus, love and all the good stuff. I really enjoy talking with him like that. Not only do I learn a lot from his wisdom and experience but he also acts as a sounding board for my own ideas and interpretations. Well the other day I was doing just that and when he reached for my hand and just held it. When I looked up at him his eyes were wet and he couldn't talk. We sat there like that for a while. It was so wonderful to know he was proud of me (for that is was his expression and later words expressed) that for a while nothing else mattered. We just sat there looking at each other with my hands in his. Well, when he did get his voice back he said, and I quote, "You preach a good sermon." I had never thought about that before as anything more than just kidding around. When I mentioned it to mom, she said I do enjoy lecturing. I had never thought of that either. This has opened my mind to new possable futures. I think I finally know how I can serve god. If anyone else has had a moment like this (either grampa chocking up or a sudden realization) I'd like to hear about it. BTW I'll blog what me and grandpa were talking about in my light side blog.

Blogger

First things first. I just filled in my profile and they had these great "Favorite" catagories. The problem is that they don't let me pick my own things. If you read mine you will notice a lot of brackets where I mentioned that things weren't really a movie or book. I think they should let you make your own favorite lists. I'm probably just making a bigger deal of this than it is but I think I might suggest it to the guys who run Blogger.
I also noticed in the setting that I can add ads to my blog to make a little cash. This is where I'd like some input. I'm not sure about this because I don't want to bug people when they come to read my blog but a little extra cash just for clicking a couple of buttons is tempting. But then if it is tempting, maybe I shouldn't do it. Hmm. I'll leave it off for now but if anyone has an opinoin about this, please tell me.

Welcome.

Welcome to my first blog. Since the rest of my extended family has started doing this, I figured I would too. For those who don't know what's been going on in my life I'll give a brief update. Very little. Too little. Mostly I help mom out with whatever she needs. Yes, I still live with my mother. We have a good relationship and I like to do whatever I can to make her life easier, like dishes, helping to pay bills, or pinning the foster kids while she goes and calls the police. Ok, that last one is exaggerated..... but not by much. I have been in school part time for the last couple of months upgrading my English and I think I've been doing quite well. All put one project have gotten A range marks. :D We read Frankenstein for the novel study but that's a topic for my dark side blog. So... uh... That's pretty much it right now. Feel free to say hi.